On bus fares.

I was just leaving a coffee shop as an undergrad (possibly a second-year?), when a woman approached me outside. At first I couldn't understand what she was saying. In my conversational confusion, I took a moment to survey her and, admittedly, make judgements. Ratty clothes, many bags, tangled hair, dirty and missing teeth. Then I came to; she was asking for money.

I can't remember the specifics of her phrasing or the vernacular she used, aside from the fact that the entire situation seemed all too familiar to her. Bus money- she needed bus money.

I had cash and coins in my wallet. I also had a CTA card in my wallet. Despite this, I lied through my teeth: "I'm sorry, I don't have anything I can give you." With that I turned around, walked back to campus, and hated myself all the way.

Growing up, parents and youth pastors alike had warned me of the dangers of becoming an enabler by giving money to someone who asked. According to my elders, in that particular circumstance the money could have gone to drugs, alcohol, sex ... any number of addictions or unhealthy behaviors that quite probably put the woman in the position to ask for money in the first place.

At the same time, our encounter had been right next to a bus stop. And I had a CTA card at the ready. I also was outside a warm public place on a cold evening- couldn't have I bought her a cup of tea to go along with her bus ride? In every sense, the words I responded with were utterly untrue.

I so wish I had stopped to understand the woman's situation. That I didn't even ask her name is a clear indication of, at the time, how poorly I had internalized God's call to redeem. This was an opportunity to redeem her experience with affluent people, to redeem my experience with those in need, to add another brick to the relational redemption work in our shared city between our two people groups. I did not follow, I did not listen.

Now I refuse to forget this woman. Oftentimes I have returned to that bus stop, hoping to see her again. I never have.

Lord, forgive our grave misunderstanding of your great call toward redemption. You said it perfectly while on the cross: we know not what we do. In your vast mercy, we ask that you might strengthen us to be your hands and your heart in a world of broken relationships. God on High, be near to us and to our family - your family - whom we are constantly meeting and learning more about; and may we in our own brokenness take up your call to redeem, moment by moment. In your gracious and loving name we pray, amen.