On tapestry.

Below I am sharing the prayer of confession that was used in this morning's communion liturgy at my church. I am sharing this prayer for a few reasons:

1. The prayer puts words into my heart that I personally need to be praying, but have yet been unable to articulate. (For reference, see On bus fares.)
2. Along those lines, it is necessary (in my opinion) to use the words of others when we cannot find our own words. God Almighty, the Most Holy, is a tapestry god. He is so diverse, both in and by nature; I believe it is important to communicate with this God via the tapestry of his image: his people. We celebrate this tapestry of faith and creation by acknowledging the lives - and in this case, words - of our sisters and brothers who, as divine image-bearers, are woven in beside us.

God of transfiguration, you meet us in the ordinary as well as in the extraordinary moments of life. We seek you in the valleys and on the mountaintops. Yet we admit that too often our eyes are blind to your presence, too often our ears are deaf to your call. When you reach out to us through the cries of the hungry, homeless, the least and lonely, too often our hearts shrink from responding. Forgive us, we pray, and set us free to love and to serve. Amen.

On Dietrich Bonhoeffer, community, and the inclusion of gays in the church.

I participated in the survey sent out regarding my church's congregational conversation series about showing hospitality to LGBTQ neighbors and congregants. However, it was only after I closed the survey window that I began to read Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Life Together. In just finishing the first chapter, "Community," truths surrounding my own thoughts, words and actions have already been illuminated. Additional to my own re-exploration of what "All Are Welcome" really means to me and to my vision for this church, I have also found several passages to be possibly insightful to the steering committee, while it formulates the next steps to be taken. Allow me to share some of these passages with you, my people. All this being said, I do not pretend to be a Bonhoeffer scholar, nor do I intend to make myself out to be any wiser than a recent grad who has a lot on her mind. Finally, you will notice that I insert gender-inclusive language into Bonhoeffer's writing ... this is purely instinctual.

Bonhoeffer makes it ever so clear that "the fellowship of Christian [sisters and brothers] is a gift of grace," that Christian community "is a gift of God which we cannot claim." This language is reminiscent of our church's communion liturgy, in which we are invited to approach the table with literal open hands to receive the bread, as the grace that is the sacrament is not ours for the taking but God's for the giving. I imagine each of us, in all of who we are, approaching the table with open arms to receive not only the bread and the cup, but also each other. This is to be celebrated, just as the sacrament is celebrated! Let us celebrate the gift of grace that is our community, in which we may only participate (rather than make any claim upon).

In this spirit, Bonhoeffer continues to remark that "Christian [sister- and brotherhood] is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate" (emphasis added). That is to say, no amount of committee meetings, congregational conversations, theologizing, interpreting of Scripture, or anything else for that matter, holds any stake in the reality of Christian community which has already been realized by our Lord. According to Bonhoeffer, at the end of the day there is no need for a visioning team, as our community is not an ideal which we must come to an understanding of. Along this vein, I recommit my own trust in the God Almighty that his reality he has already created at our church may continue to flourish accordingly. As humbly as I can, I encourage each of you, me people, to do the same: to trust in God's reality of community, which has already been created, is being created, and will be created.

I will share with you a passage I have found particularly challenging to internalize. Bonhoeffer writes, "[she] who loves [her] dream of a community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though [her] personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial." I believe I have made my personal intentions very clear over the past many months of conversation. And I have believed them to be honest, earnest and sacrificial. However, I am also realizing that I may have been caught up in a love for my version of the future of the church, rather than the community the church is. Suffice it to say that I am working through this on a personal level. Together, we must be aware of this very real possibility of love for our ideals, and remind each other of what our sights should truly be set on: the Christian community itself, rather than our dreams for it. And this is because the Christian community is already a reality created by God (as I previously quoted and mentioned).

Much later in the same chapter of Life Together, Bonhoeffer spells out quite clearly the differences between human love and spiritual love, the latter being that which is mediated only by, in and through Christ, in Christian community. "Spiritual love," he writes, "recognizes the true image of the other person which [they have] received from Jesus Christ; the image that Jesus Christ himself embodied and would stamp upon all [people]." As humans who daily accept Christ to be our Lord and Saviour, we are image-bearers of the Christ incarnate. We are therefore called to recognize this image in one another. First, I believe, in order to give glory to God. For who could not help but shout praises at the recognition of the beautiful tapestry that is the image of God? Second, I believe, this is to fully love one another. When we are able to fully accept each other as divine image-bearers, that is when true "spiritual" love is offered and received. This second reason may be put into the context of accepting LGBTQ individuals for who they are, made in God's image. For me, it is accepting those who may not be entirely affirming of my identity as equal divine image-bearers, and therefore reason to glorify God.

Please accept these words with many grains of salt, as I am not as educated as I would like to be with regards to all matters of study, including theology, Bonhoeffer, Bonhoeffer's theology .... I could go on. I write perhaps for my sake, but am hopeful that these passages from Life Together are helpful to you as well. Above all, know that I am doing my humanly best to recognize the divine image each of you bears, and that I am thankful for the ways in which each of you bear that image.


Peace to you in this redeeming process.

On bus fares.

I was just leaving a coffee shop as an undergrad (possibly a second-year?), when a woman approached me outside. At first I couldn't understand what she was saying. In my conversational confusion, I took a moment to survey her and, admittedly, make judgements. Ratty clothes, many bags, tangled hair, dirty and missing teeth. Then I came to; she was asking for money.

I can't remember the specifics of her phrasing or the vernacular she used, aside from the fact that the entire situation seemed all too familiar to her. Bus money- she needed bus money.

I had cash and coins in my wallet. I also had a CTA card in my wallet. Despite this, I lied through my teeth: "I'm sorry, I don't have anything I can give you." With that I turned around, walked back to campus, and hated myself all the way.

Growing up, parents and youth pastors alike had warned me of the dangers of becoming an enabler by giving money to someone who asked. According to my elders, in that particular circumstance the money could have gone to drugs, alcohol, sex ... any number of addictions or unhealthy behaviors that quite probably put the woman in the position to ask for money in the first place.

At the same time, our encounter had been right next to a bus stop. And I had a CTA card at the ready. I also was outside a warm public place on a cold evening- couldn't have I bought her a cup of tea to go along with her bus ride? In every sense, the words I responded with were utterly untrue.

I so wish I had stopped to understand the woman's situation. That I didn't even ask her name is a clear indication of, at the time, how poorly I had internalized God's call to redeem. This was an opportunity to redeem her experience with affluent people, to redeem my experience with those in need, to add another brick to the relational redemption work in our shared city between our two people groups. I did not follow, I did not listen.

Now I refuse to forget this woman. Oftentimes I have returned to that bus stop, hoping to see her again. I never have.

Lord, forgive our grave misunderstanding of your great call toward redemption. You said it perfectly while on the cross: we know not what we do. In your vast mercy, we ask that you might strengthen us to be your hands and your heart in a world of broken relationships. God on High, be near to us and to our family - your family - whom we are constantly meeting and learning more about; and may we in our own brokenness take up your call to redeem, moment by moment. In your gracious and loving name we pray, amen.

On my immediate geographical future.

Yesterday I caught a glimpse of God's future of and for redemption.

I have been searching for a roommate, with a particular apartment in mind, for about a month now. Praises be, the apartment is still available. When I called the landlady yesterday to find out this important tidbit, she mentioned there was another young woman in my position: from my alma mater, very interested in the apartment, in need of a roommate. So the willing landlady connected us.

I got a voice mail from A around noon-thirty that day. When I called her back, I found out that we both happened to be on campus. We agreed to meet up in the student center around 1pm. I was excited. However, I had also contacted about six different craigslist.org posters that same morning, so I definitely wasn't going to put all my eggs in one basket, much less this one.

First impression gatherings upon meeting A: perfectly fluffed bangs in an I-don't-care sort of way, eating lunch out of a mason jar (I do the same!), business-casual attire comfortably reminiscent of my own early mornings in front of the closet, a genuinely-glad-to-meet-you smile. The flutters of nervousness I might have had were washed away in a flood of relieving familiarity.

Now this wasn't one of those I-just-met-a-brunette-version-of-myself moments. A has her own unique story and identity that I have only just begun to get to know. At the same time, it was nice to chat for an hour with a friendly someone who shares a similar faith, someone with a similar sense of vulnerability, someone who faces our world with big questions too.

(For the record, I don't believe assimilation to be good or right, nor that as a Christian I should only associate with people who look, think or act like me. After a long month of searching, it was simply refreshing to find a possible roommate who wasn't a craigslist creep.)

Our conversation started with the campus guest speaker's message we had both (unknowingly) attended, branched out to my sexuality and accompanying life experiences, wove through her wonderings about how to love a friend through time of transition, and ended in her welcomed question: "So if this apartment doesn't work out, do you want to keep looking for another place together?"

Thrilled. I was absolutely thrilled. A was wonderful (in spirit and in personality) from what I could tell. And she wanted to live with me! I had been praying that God would provide- provide people, provide places. I had been praying, and after a month it had started to seem that God's provision wasn't going to look like I had imagined it.

At this time I must be honest, and tell you, my people, that I am wary of pinpointing God's work in the present. I am even fearful of saying, "This, this is God at work." Because it seems to me that if we get in the habit of saying such things, we can miss out on even more beautiful divine work around us. Additionally, we may court worshiping the work instead of the Worker.

So while I may not be able to confidently say that A's abrupt presence in my life is the work and will of our Lord, I do in fact acknowledge that God is at work and does have a will. He is opening some doors and closing others. I trust, and renew trust, that my Creator is also a Redeemer: he will make my path straight.

In meeting A yesterday, I think I might have caught a glimpse of that straight path; a glimpse of God's future of and for redemption in my living environment, in my household relationships, in my life.